__________________________________
Tampa Theatre rehearsals section, 2003:

"Hey Andy, suck my d!ck, I can't find my black pants!" - Chandler

"We are falling way behind on catching up" - Jessica

"It's 8 o'clock in the morning, I'm not senile yet" - Scott

"See what happens when I drink coffee on an empty stomach? I'm surprised I'm not wetting myself" - Brian

"Sit! Quiet! Hurry, please... crap!" - Brian

"It's the incredible appearing thin man!" - Ed

"We can debate semantics all f#ckin' day, but wrong is still f#ckin' wrong! Eh? How ya like that? F#ck!" - Brian

"I'm about to get all narcoleptic up in here!" - Jannie

"Go-go Trannie arm!" - Brian

"I've seen cats f#ck with more harmony than that" - Ed

__________________________________

"You ain't always got your marbles on straight!" - Jannie

"I'm gonna get it up as high as I can and keep it up as long as I can" - Andy

"I would love to see the videotape of Brian plowin' my a$$ - Jannie

"Bring it on b!tch! I've been waiting to wipe your a$$ with the floor!" - Jannie

"Dude, I've got a d!ck!! The world is my oyster!" - Jannie

"So Scott comes from a long line of grape smugglers" - Anthony

"Closest he's got to a six-pack is a case of Mountian Dew" - Jannie

"This is making me want to put aluminium foil in the microwave just to liven up the night" - Lisa

"Welcome to the National Down's Syndrome Porn Network" - Ed

"I don't know what it is, but walking like this makes my a$$ twitch" - Lisa

"I'm so happy with a fully charged battery" - Jannie

"That tastes like a$$! Lisa, can I lick your shirt to get this taste outta my mouth? - Jannie

"If guys can get all excited about us shoving bottles up in ourselves, we can get excited about watermelon porn!" - Jannie

"Oh, I'm sorry Scott, I seem to have caught you in the middle of being awfully boring" - Jannie

"It's like the stick in her butt is growing into a big-a$$ tree!" - Scott

"I'd end up with a wet bottom, but man that would be fun!" - Jannie

"I gotta give my mom some credit, she knew she was lookin' down the barrel of a loony-bin gun" - Jannie

"I don't want just any nuts on my forehead, they gotta be shaved and powdered!" - Jannie

"I lift my leg, air gets trapped in my pants, rolls up my buttcrack and blows out my shirt a little! It's kinda cool! - Tom

"I will give it to you, but if anything is wrong with it, I will staple your tits to your forehead" - Ed to Jannie

"Tea bags? I don't care! In fact I kinda like those" - Jannie

"Scott, would you give this a suck and see if you like it?" - Jannie

"I been havin' to waste my jerkin' juice on her back!" - Scott

"Don't knock the puffy people. We'll come getchyo a$$ and eatcha!" - Jannie

"A whole ice cream cone? Damn, you best be givin' up the pu$$y at this point" - Lisa

"I don't know you right now... damn burned up, doused pen!s" - Jannie

"You float! Your butt holds your a$$ up!" - Jannie

"I'd s#ck a d!ck on the 5 o'clock news if you pay me enough!" - Scott

"I was screwin, but it just kept gettin' easier, then it just fell out!" - Jannie

"Oh, that guy's kinda cute. I likes 'em like Jesus" - Jannie

"I would not find it to be naptime when there is a murderer after my a$$" - Jannie

"No, not in my a$$, up here in my head. You put it in my a$$, it'll make me go, 'What the f#ck, bitch?!'" - Scott

"I don't wanna hear about Nikki's milky, creamy breasts. Those were underage when you were milking them!" - Jannie

"I think of Scott's d!ck everytime I look at my own d!ck" - Bill

"Just what I need to get rid of the dizzies. Some good hot man-c0ck!" - Jannie

"This is a can of worms I'm going to stick my d!ck in." - Ed

"At least it's natural caffine, instead of caffinated caffine." - Lisa

"You're not gonna come out of the womb with d!ck-suckin' knowledge." - Jannie

"Once Sam gets here, there will be 2 1/4 Jews. You can get a whole Matzo ball for that!" - Jamie

"So when's the next party? I'll bring a big one." - Adam

"You pull your hair back to suck a d!ck but you don't pull it back to yak?!" - Jannie

"You red-tittied bandit promise-breaking whore! See if I go down on Sundays for you anymore." - Jamie

"Don't be fooled by meatloaf. You'd think it's meat, but it's loaf!" - Jannie

"F#cking a horse is one thing, giving a horse oral is something totally different." - Lisa

"That sh!t burns when you shoot it down your mouth, much less when you throw it up your tw@t" - Anthony

"I missed 2 days of work after being thrown over a table by so many people" - Lisa

"I've got a humongus sack, it's like a grocery sack" - Will

"There's nothing better than seeing a pasty and realizing there's a d!ck tucked behind it" - Jessica

"Did I just hear Jamie say he stuck his d!ck in a frosty?" - Liz

"Just imagine my arms as two big pen!ses bent at the elbow" - Jamie

"I'll have to remember that now that my a$$ is wide open." - Cristine

"I told you the squirrels nuts were smacking the table, but did anyone believe me? Noooooooo!" - Lisa

"I could run my face all across this rock, it will make no difference. There will still be no pu$$y wrapped around my c0ck" - Ed

"Ask Chris! He started humping my leg after I deep-throated the blue balloon c0ck!" - Lisa

"Anyone wanna f#ck my girlfriend so she'll shut-up?" - Scott

"We don't have buns but here's the first load!" - Ed

"I've got the nipples if you've got the sauce" - Jamie

"Never underestimate a pissed-off pen!s" - Scott

"I didn't get a chance to sow my wild oats before I got into a monotonous relationship" - Lisa

"I know as much about Lord of the Rings as you know about anal $ex" - Scott, to Tom

"Y'know, I often wonder why my head is such a snot machine" - Tom

"Sometimes when they put an animal in the chair, and they have surgery, after they tend to be... more suggestive" - Tom

"With what? My magic cigarette-locating Elf powers?!" - Chris

"Ever since childhood, Ed has wondered about Smurf $ex" - Will

"You could be out-thought by a turnip" - Ed

"Ryan, my love! Come here, I must stick my d!ck in that sweet, sweet a$$ of yours!" - Jamie

"You just pull your skull open sometimes and it's just not pretty inside" - Jannie to Lisa

"I've got a tongue that'll bore holes thru steel, but I'm just not physically threatening" - Lisa

"Look, you have a d!ck growing out of your forehead too! Let's make babies!" - Chris

"I swear to God, if Tom's eyes had rolled any further into the back of his head they would have popped out his a$$hole." - Andy

"Jamie's got some balls! Stainless steel ones that clink when he walks!" - Lisa

"If I'm suckin', you're doing the rim jobs" - Ed, to Jamie

"Hello, I'm your hospitality coordinator of the night, would you like a blow job?" - Lisa

"This is what happens when Oompa-Loompas go bad" - Ed

"Wanna go outside? I'll put my d!ck through your ear!" - Ed to Anthony

"I could dive between my tits and take a bath right now" - Lisa

"That's the sound of my d!ck unraveling down the leg of my pants" - Chris

"I didn't know it was a d!ck until I started sucking it" - Bill

"I'm so glad you guys think of me when you see a d!ck" - Jannie

"Well, if you would have let me shove the towel up my butt like I wanted to, I wouldn't have had to waste time flapping my butt cheeks." - Tom

"We need to get a postage scale or something so I can weigh your nuts." - Jannie

"I'm not a larger lady, but I may have to jump on that!" - Alex

"I look at my sweet, sweet a$$ in the mirror and think, 'Mmmm, I'd like to f#ck that!'" - Tom

"Don't make me slap you with 12 inches of limp d!ck!" - Chris

"I forgot, I'm not wearing any underwear and I have a big hole in my a$$." - Kat

"I don't touch myself that much in the shower! And that's saying something, I'm a very clean person!" - Cindy

"I'm sure you're talented and all, but that's kinda small" - Jannie

"The more he plays with it, the bigger the hole gets." - Cindy

.: Traci's birthday party, 5-3-01:

"I'm scheduled to be right here masturbating at 4:30" - Will

"I have the urge to spill this on Ed's naked penis!" - Jannie

"I can't handle all that in my mouth at once" - Jamie

"Mine tasted like that then I added some more orange juice" - Traci

.: From Jannie's birthday party, 12/16/00:

"The first thing I touch is getting a penis stuck on it!" - Lyn

"Jerry's penis has been slammed in the door all night." - Jannie

"Three strikes and you're out. He'll be suckin' d!ck by morning!" - Ed

"Oh great! It matches my panties!" - Brian

"For that, you get the still-frame, a$$-f*ck-shot of the night" - Ed

.: Oldies but Goodies:

"I wouldn't stick my d!ck up his a$$ for the enjoyment, but for the look on his face and the photo you'd get" - Scott

"I say we call everyone on cast and do it on your front lawn" - Traci

"I don't how well grass thrives on c#m" - Jannie

"Tim carried a picture of my pen!s in his wallet for a good 8 months" - Bill

"I am the Jewish Guilt-Trip Porno Line" - Lisa

"Tom & I are coming, but we need to find someone to sleep with us" - Lisa

"My balls are rather close to the mother ship right now" - Ed

"I could do a whole lot with lunch meat when I'm drunk" - Faith

"I value my nuts more than a pair of hairclips" - Scott

"You're gonna get some butt-crack, you keep yankin' it that much" - Scott

"Fabreeze your @ss for Christ's sake!" - Lisa

"All we have to do is get a really pissed off elephant to threaten Tom so he'll do the dishes." - Sam

"As far as dermal stimuli goes, I'm Jannie with balance" - Sam

"Whenever I tried to shoot it up, it landed all over me" - Alex

"I have 4 safety pins in my tw@t!" - Kat

"Each pregnancy is supposed to be easier. By my 5th kid, it'll be like a drive thru" - Faith

"Somebody give me a d!ck. I gotta suck on it so I don't get heartburn" - Andy

"Jannie's body is a G-spot. Touch that girl anywhere on her body and she'll go down!" - Lisa

"Are you telling me you left the house without a squirrel cover?!" - Tom, to Lisa

"You get it up and I'll help you get it in" - Scott's mom, to Scott

"Tom can go kiss a tree and lick a frog for all I know" - Lisa

"I'll just make you laugh and you'll beat yourself up with your own titties!" - Scott, to Lisa

"I threw $20 at Nikki and made a beeline for the bedroom" - Bill

"I service about 150 people a night" - Jannie

"Now that I have no teeth, I can really give good knob-slobbin!" - Jannie

"At least I didn't spill the beans out of the cat" - Jannie

"Will and I used to do it in the car together." - Alex

"I pen!sed someone out the window once" - Bill

"Kristie can't walk into a room with cats without exploding into a ball of snot." - Lisa

"I'm not naked, I'm wearing makeup!" - Brian

"Ain't no one made by knob-slobbin'!" - Jannie

"Dude, Scott! She's only got one knuckle, but she can spread 'em like you can!" - Jannie

"I'd be down to my c0ck ring if I thought it'd help" - Tom

"I like c0ck; I try to incorporate it into every part of my life" - Lisa

"I'll bang you so hard it'll jar your memory!" - Scott

"He definitely wasn't a conversationalist, but he had a nice c0ck" - Lisa

"No thank you, I'm on the phone, I don't want to suck on it right now" - Jannie

"My flingin' capabilities are beyond imagination!" - Jannie

"You wanna put down the windows so we can do it faster?" - Lisa

"I just looked over and his fingers were in my goo!" - Jannie

"I'm half Irish, I think that's why I like French Fries so much" - Jannie

"You've got bionic, bendable, biteable, can't-hurt-em nipples!" - Jannie, to Lisa

"I'm hung like a Tic-Tac" - Alex

"Give me $10 and I'll come anytime you want!" - Lisa

"Excuse me, Mister! I can crack knuckles with this pu$$y!" - Lisa

"I always feel your balls creepin' up my leg!" - Scott

"This has been a very good rehearsal for me; At no time was Ed's pen!s on my elbow." - Randy

"I got no buns, but does my baby want a weenie?" - Scott

"I was thinking of ways to get 2 chairs and just doing it in the front row" - Ed

"All I need is a 6 foot pole and a pickle driver!" - Jannie

"Here, I'll hold the phone while you cut the cheese" - Scott

"I had to go suck a d!ck and drink a beer, but I'm back now" - Ed

"I stick it in my titties until after you bite me!" - Jannie

"Would you mind getting your d!ck off my foot? It's kind of annoying" - Scott

"Doing it 20 times before a show is not a good thing. I was sore for a week" - Traci

"It sounds like I'm trying to to put a condom on a rhino" - Jannie

"Eww, there's a boy in the bad girl's room" - Traci

"He's just not happy unless he has something up his a$$" - Jannie

"Could somebody stick a stick up my a$$ so I can get my d!ck out?" - Tom

"Just stick it in your mouth and swish it around some." - Scott

"I hate havin' to hurdle a 5 ft. d!ck" - Scott

"I didn't f#ck him that fast... it took me 3 weeks to get a hold of that jimmy!" - Lisa

"I am ADMIRAL Butt-in-Line" - Scott

"His tongue gets so little exercise I am surprised he can talk" - Jannie

"I'll buy you a steak if you give me a blow job." - Edbr>
"I de-Wookied myself last night." - Kristie.

"You're not officially on cast until you've seen Ed's dick." - Lisa.

"Jamie's Penis has gone international." - Unknown.

"Get your titty off my tummy or I'll hurl." - Scott.

"Ooh look, a back massager." - Jannie, being very naive.

"He doesn't know how to use his tongue, he's a boy." - Jannie.

"Well there's big, then there's Tom." - Kristie.

"You Snitch-Ass Bitch!" - Some drunk yelling at Jamie.