Now because of his enormity, nearly no one openly says negative things about him for fear of becoming street pizza. They just talk behind is gargantuan back, creating many vicious rumors. Well, I not being so weak willed (or maybe I'm just this stupid) will set the record straight about what is truth and what is a lie about our loveable giant. So here is THE TRUTH ABOUT TOM:

Rumor #1: Tom's size is exaggerated.
This is false. Tom really is that big.
Rumor #2: He can lift anyone for sidecars, whether they want to or not.
This is quite true. Just ask Kristie.
Rumor #3: Tom has insects living in his armpit hair.
Not true. He is a sanitary person.
Rumor #4: Tom has connections to the Russian Mob.
This has yet to be proven in a court of law, therefore he is innocent until found otherwise.
Rumor #5: Scientists have discovered that Tom is larger than the moons of Neptune.
This is actually true. He has his own gravitational pull.
Rumor #6: Tom is the 'Cast Slut'. (The person who will sleep with anyone)
This is false. Sam is the cast slut.
Rumor #7: Tom likes to mud wrestle with midgets.
True. I have pictures to prove it.
Rumor #8: He has aspirations of winning the Miss USA pageant.
Sources close to him have confirmed this to be true.
Rumor #9: He once helped Godzilla defeat Rodan in a fight for the universe.
False. Tom likes to spread that rumor himself.
Rumor #10: Tom will kill me for saying he molests small woodland animals.
Not true. He has to catch me first.